Cute-intern has wood

August 9, 2011

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Earlier today small-intern noticed cute-intern disappears every time she returns from the bathroom. Are the two on the same excretory schedule? Does cute-intern dislike being the only available slave in the newsroom? Is he so enticed by the look of small-intern from the back that he has to take care of himself in the bathroom […]

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Young lady pulls hit and run, is tracked down by cop

August 4, 2011

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Last Friday a rogue bar hag crawled out of the local grocery store to find her “car” scratched in a new area. She notified police immediately and the town Chief almost came in his pants at the prospect of being useful. He scanned every Acme surveillance tape available, determined to catch the culprit. Meanwhile, conspicuous […]

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Eavesdropping at an Italian restaurant

August 4, 2011

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Woman (gesticulating wildly): “There are just two things that make me feel better when I have a hangover. Just two things! … (Pauses for bartender to feign interest) … And that’s exercise, and sex! Ahaha!” Bartender (drying the inside of a glass): Haha! Woman’s husband (staring at the counter, knuckles curled): “That’s why I bought […]

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Cute-intern gone: Day 3

August 3, 2011

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For the past three days cute-intern has been missing from the newsroom.¬†Wild-haired intern can’t focus on her work without the prospect of being suddenly interrupted by one of his witty remarks. Her subsequent mental instability caused her to laugh raucously at the idea of replacing the word “Voted” on a co-workers “I Voted” sticker with […]

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Girl wastes $15 on planner that starts in December

August 3, 2011

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Earlier today a short girl was seen and heard cursing loudly in a Barnes and Noble. Officials speculate she purchased an expensive and unhelpful 2012 planner and didn’t realize it until after she scrawled in an appointment and could no longer ask for a refund. The girl allegedly stormed out of the bookstore after frightening […]

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Intern arrives to work on time

August 1, 2011

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The intern finally arrived to the newspaper at 10:30 a.m. and even managed to toast a bagel beforehand. She took only ten minutes figuring out what to wear, which is a significant improvement compared to the usual thirty minutes of trying on the same two outfits continuously until both are deemed too awkward to sit […]

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